Updating post from Reddit.
Hey everyone. I am not sure if this post is allowed here. But I would love to know you guy’s opinions on this situation my husband and I are in.
We moved in this 2 bed house with a live-in landlord in December 2024. Before moving in we had a meeting out rent and other expectations. Both my husband and I have lived in house shares before so we were thorough with all our questions.
My husband works 7am-9pm shifts so it is obvious we will be having dinner late. Our landlord already knew about these timings as we made it clear before moving in. He was sympathetic of him working such long shifts and was okay with us having late dinners. He asked us if we are planning to have a child? We said no. To which he replied okay you guys can stay here as long as you want until you have a child.
I love to cook so I asked him what time does he need to use the kitchen to cook so I can stay off limits and give him his space. He said he doesnt mind both of us cooking at once if that ever happens and has no strict rules around the times so I can cook whenever.
However, soon after 2 weeks of us moving in, he started raising issues with this telling us how he hears the noise of us doing dishes downstairs. He strictly told us to not talk in our room as he can hear it and he didnt think of this before renting it out to a couple that ofcourse 2 people are going to talk. We dont even stay up that late because my husband has to be at work very early in the morning so it’s dinner and straight to bed but ofcourse we are going to talk a bit? As soon as he raised this issue we assured him that we will make sure we arent causing a disturbance and have started to literally whisper in our room so he doesn’t have to hear our voices. Since then he told us he has no issues.
He loves my cooking to whenever I am cooking something in the kitchen he will come around telling me how good it smells and that he would like a plate. I love feeding others so I am always making extra food for him. This gave me an impression that we are kind of on good terms with each other. However, one day he came home very late and his cat was getting hungry since he hadn’t left any food out so I was getting a bit worried that he isnt home. I went downstairs and heard his car pull up so as he entered I asked him if he was okay and why was he so late out of concern and also asked if he would like something to eat.
He took this as interrogation and wrote a long message to my husband saying how he doesnt like to be interrogated when he enters his own house. Well that was message received for me so I limited my conversation. But tell me why this man asks me why I am not out of the house more often, what do I do all day in my room, why do I not work? The list goes on. I am a recent graduate and still looking for work. Given my visa situation it is that easy to find work but this guy constantly asks me and my husband why have I not got a job yet, why dont i leave my room etc. So I do not understand what kind of boundaries this guy has.
Yesterday he went up to my husband’s work place to meet him at his work place asking us to vacate this house in 2 months as things arent working out for him. My husband asked him what is the problem to which he said oh nothing I am just annoyed by the fan you guys use in your room??? He also added how he cannot invite his friends over as it would be awkward for him. Mind you we never use downstairs space apart from the kitchen. So i dont know how that would be awkward for him. This came as a shock to us as I stated how he never mentioned all this in the discussion we had. He aways made comments about how we are going to be here for years. That is why he also made me responsible for taking care of his cat when he goes on vacations.
This situation is very stressful for us because we have done everything to be good tenants. I clean the kitchen and the bathroom more than he does. We give him his space, regardless of him telling us we can use the living area, we don’t. I always cook extra food for him. I have literally limited my husband’s and my conversations just so we dont make any noise. Regardless of doing all this, every month he will find something and tell us how things are not working out. This is extremely frustrating and mentally exhausting because finding a new place in this area near my husband’s job is very challenging and expensive. We moved here because he made it seem like it is a long term stay and my husband and I will finally have a stable place for atleast 1 year. Are we in the wrong? Please let us know how to deal with this situation.
Are you in the wrong? No, you both sound like decent housemates. Landlord just sounds like he made a mistake and really doesn't like living with people.
Not much you can do apart from leave.
Thank you so much for your reply. That is what we think. Correct me if I am wrong but I feel when someone is renting out a room in their own house they should be willing to make some compromises and not go back on what they previously said. Hoping we find a better and affordable place soon.
If it's the first time he's rented out the room or the first time to a couple, he may have just not realized how.much stuff will irk him.
Too many greedy landlords out there that see you as a walking talking retirement pot. Sorry to say it. I had a very similar experience. You can only live and learn unfortunately.
I'd suggest if you go back to another house share, that you try get one with more than one tennant, as at least you can guarantee they're not expecting you to be living on mute.
Unfortunately live in landlord are not regulated. For many the attraction of a tax free rent and requirement for the tenants to live in a box and be quiet is the expectation.
It doesn't matter if you're in the wrong or not; no one wants to live somewhere they're made to feel unwelcome so just move out :)
Thank you so much for your reply. I really want to move out. However finding a proper place is such a big challenge rn. It is really taking a toll on me.
it sounds very stressful; at least there is two of you to share the burden!
Unfortunately lodgers in the UK don't have many rights so just try and find something new when you can.
The situation isn’t something you can continue in. You’re all not compatible. You should leave.
Personally I think it’s about native for the landlord to accept a couple.
Look you've done everything this person asked, it hasn't worked out.
You're both better off out of there and somewhere you don't need to walk on eggshells.
I would never recommend anyone to be a lodger, the landlord will almost always be unreasonable and overbearing. My previous landlord banned me from cooking after 7pm. You also have less rights/protection. I’d suggest moving out.
That’s just rubbish. I’ve taken in lodgers for 15 years. They all stay for years.
Thank you so much for your reply. I agree with you. We had to take this place as it was affordable and very close to husband’s workplace. With me not being employed it is seriously so hard to find an affordable place. But hopefully we find something and can move out.
Wishing you all the best. I know how stressful it is
You haven’t done anything wrong, the landlord has just realised that living with lodgers who are a couple is not for him.
It feels a bit unfair on you, of course, but on the other hand it actually is quite challenging to live with a couple when you’re single yourself - it feels like 2 vs 1, and especially if you’re always in the house because you’re not working, he probably misses his privacy.
Hopefully he’ll consider these things before he gets a new lodger.
For you guys, just keep looking for a new place. House shares are probably better than being lodgers with a live-in landlord. Presumably you can’t yet afford a studio on your own together? That would be best. Good luck with the job search, and the house search.
Yes i just wish he considered all aspects when we sat down to discuss. He generally isnt home much but whenever he is we make sure to be quiet. Even if I am watching something on my laptop in my room I put on headphones. So i really wished it didnt come to this after we have tried so much. Fingers crossed for a better home and hopefully a job
He’s made a mistake, can tell as it’s all tiny things that annoy him, you have obviously done nothing wrong and sound like good people, it’s just one of those things and just move on, however I would maybe just ask him to be a bit more flexible on move out, tell him you are looking for somewhere else and will move asap but understand how hard it is to find somewhere, good luck 🤞